This happened a couple of weeks ago.
I was at work on a short night shift in the middle of the week. Now that I think about it, that is probably why the subject of this tale was doing her shopping. Late at night, no one really around. Not too many people would have to smell her.
It was around 11:45 and my shift ended at midnight. I was cleaning up my check stand. You know, the usual, sanitizing the belts, replenishing my bags, cleaning up the trash. I did notice the woman. I noticed her because as I was watching her get her groceries I thought to myself, "no overweight short stout woman should ever wear baggy sweatpants that low. They were slipping down just while she was standing there. I could see the creases that could possibly be leading to her "business". Anyway I went about what I was doing and I had walked away from my lane for a moment and on my way back I saw it. That poor womans pants were on the ground. No underwear. Goodness gracious it was a site. She squat down as fast as a short stout overweight woman could and snatched her pants back up and then looked around to see if anyone had caught the show. Realizing that I had seen her mishap she really didn't look too embarrassed and I made no face to make her feel any different. The worst part was as I was passing by her to go back to my lane she had been tucking all of her skin back into her pants. You know what I mean, moving her hand in and out of her pants securing her pants around her waistline. But the smell that came wafting out of her pants as I snuck by was unforgettable. Even now, weeks later, I can recall it specifically because I am sure that a small film of her stank covered my whole face including inside my mouth. It was the most rank dismay in the va-jay-jay I have ever encountered. What was I to do? I couldn't do anything to protect myself. No one is protected from that kind of violation. It is such a shame. So I grabbed my cash box and as soon as I was out of site I rinsed out my mouth and scraped my tongue with a paper towel.
After getting over the trauma of the experience, I had a few good laughs. But really I just feel bad for her. That poor woman probably has no idea how badly she smells. She is probably one of those women that smells a 70 dollar bottle of your favorite perfume and thinks to herself "gross! that stinks! i would never wear that awful smell". Oh poor woman, wherever you are, I hope you are happy, healthy, have found a shower and a large bottle of Summer's Eve..... and some pants that fit.
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