I've been away from the second job for a couple weeks. But I was SO GLAD to return today. Because if I hadn't have been there today I wouldn't be able to share this:
This may come as a surprise to some of you, (and others probably not), but secretly I am the most immature child inside my grown up body. And sometimes on really busy days at the store I will find crazy hysterical humor in farting silently and listening to the family at the lane behind me blame it on each other. Its kind of payback for them being whiny bitches. My dad says that when I was a child a I could just fart at will, good news dad, still got the talent. And I am not ashamed to say it can be put to use when necessary. However today it was not me.
I was about twenty minutes into my four hour shift when I was helping a delightful woman. She was chatting me up as I was scanning her items and then suddenly she just stopped being so chatty. That's when the smell arrived. And again, it was not me. I thought to myself, "i think this woman is gassy". She kind of looked uncomfortable like the "heartburn, upset stomach, diarrheeeeeea" commercial people. I thought to myself "was that a fart? nope nope its too strong, too potent smelling". Then the smell got really belligerent. My nose had been violated and I had learned from experience that smells like this warrant the sealing of the mouth as to not taste the smell. THEN I realized that the person with the woman had smelt it too and looked embarrassed, and the person behind the woman in line was looking really offended. When I was done scanning her groceries the woman kindly paid and then scurried, not hurried, (scurried - like a little mouse trying to dart through the other mice to get to the cheese first) towards the exit. I kind of watched her before I greeted the next person. I said "hey, hows it goin?" and the customer responded "well great, I'm pretty sure that lady just sharted" at which I thought to myself "that explains a lot".
The End.
